Emily (9:25 pm) Slap Guy has officially left the country as of today! Yay for never having to see him again!

Xtina (9:25 pm) Yay! I hate men.

Xtina (9:27 pm) P.S. The very second I sent that last message, the 90’s Popstar texted me. Oh, so fitting.

Emily (9:28 pm) The universe has a bitchin’ sense of humor.

Xtina (9:29 pm) Indeed. I’m gonna go lay down in traffic now.

Emily (9:30 pm) Make sure you’re wearing nice underwear. Maybe you’ll meet a cute doctor when they’re cutting your pants off in the ER.